I <3 driving

Last night was fun. BT, Simmons, Jeannie, and a few others went down to the frat we normally frequent for a beer pong tournament. I suggested that since it was cold out, we take Jeannie's car and I could drive. There were two car loads of people, so I made two trips down (duh). The tournament itself was pretty fun as well. BT and I were partners, and I made him drink for me. That got him rather smashed, pretty quickly, but it was fun. We were paired against the brothers for two of our games (got our asses kicked in the first, the second was close), and a team of girls for the other game (we won that one, but it was still close). I ended up playing chauffeur after BT and I lost our third game, due to people realizing they had class in the morning. I took one girl home, then took Simmons, BT, and another of my friends to McDonald's and then back to campus - I flogged Jeannie's car a bit on that trip. I love driving. After we got back from that, I brought everyone else back - there were 4 people across the back seat of this little Civic, and I seriously considered doing the Super Troopers "You boys like Mexico? Wooo hooo!" However, there wasn't space, and it's a front wheel drive car. Instead I settled for bombing through town, and taking the entrance to the college sideways. It was great fun. After we got back, we hung out in Jeannie's room (she was rather shitfaced at this point), ate some food, and then watched a porn that one of the other guys provided. It was rather strange (not the porn - the watching it with other people). Fun though. Nothing really exciting happened though.

And now for something completely different . . . (name that movie!)

I was thinking earlier in the week how most of my life is governed by fear. Not soul crushing hysteria, just the fear of looking like an idiot. I hate that feeling. Truly loathe that feeling. I hate failing at something, and thus I don't try lots of things, because I'm rather certain I would fail at them. Example - ballroom dancing. Half of that team has been trying to get me to join it. Not going to happen. I hate the feeling of dancing. I'm positive I look like a circus bear. Another example - talking to unfamiliar people (especially girls). I'm always afraid I sound like a total tool. My sense of humor is a bit twisted, I sometimes forget people don't follow my thought process, I stammer a bit when I'm nervous, ugh. Why do I care?!!! I really shouldn't, but I honestly do. I am procrastinating working on my buggy because I don't want to fuck it up, and I know as soon as I start, I'm going to trash something. I am far too concerned about how the end result is going to be to even work on it, for fear of making a critical error. Arg, I wish I could get over this. Fuck.


That's all for now.



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Hmmm, what's going on in the world of the wookie?

Well, not too much. This week has been ok, I guess, nothing really special. J-Term is rather intensive as far as classes go - according to my teacher, each class is a weeks worth of material. Ugh. I'm getting sick of astronomy. It's interesting and all, but we haven't even covered stars yet! We're halfway through the semester! All we've done so far is laws of motion, some history, and a bunch of physics stuff. That's all good, but I wanna talk about shit blowing up and destroying the universe and stuff! Where are the black holes and the quantum physics? The prof touched on those in the first few classes, and poof! No more after that. It's so hard to stay awake when he's beating the dead horse of how to find the orbital velocity of a body again and again. Urg. At least I can catch up on my sleep.

This weekend was pretty interesting. Friday night, I went with some friends to the dance club in town. They pregamed substantially, and then a few went to one of the frats. BT's roommate was along, which is always an interesting time (he's the one who got them beat up with the overnight prospective student - check here). He has no filter when drunk, and says stupid things to the wrong people. It was shaping up to be a good night.

BT, his "platonic" friend Ashley, and I didn't go to the frat, and instead met the rest of the group outside of it, after finishing a movie (Harold and Kumar go to White Castle - wonderful movie). When we got everyone, BT's roommate was pretty hammered, we had picked up another truly smashed girl, and everyone was pretty tipsy otherwise. Jeannie ended up taking the smashed girl back to campus and going to bed early. As we were walking to the club, BT's roommate (Jim from here on out) mouthed off to two random guys who were peeing on the side of a building. They were like "What'd you say?!" and started following us. That was unnerving. Luckily we were close to the club at that point, and just headed inside.

The club was pretty much empty. It was a bit awkward, at least for me. Especially since I don't dance. However, everyone else seemed to be ok with it, especially Violet - she was really into dancing, with anyone. Simmons was a little weirded out by that, but was to drunk to really care. That was a bit amusing. We only spent an hour there, thankfully, and managed to get back to campus ok (Jim made a few remarks that pissed Ashley off, but we didn't get attacked, so I was happy).

Saturday night, one of Jeannie's friends from home was visiting, and there was theoretically a party at one of the frats. A bunch of us went down (10 or so people), and basically started the party ourselves. No one was there before us, and the brothers there were like "Party? Well, we've been drinking since 3, but ok!" It was very awkward, since they didn't have any beer to start with, and everyone was like "Booze? Where's the alcohol?" Once they did get it, the party went well. It was mostly beer pong, and an occasional card game, but it was pretty fun. I enjoy my friends. However, Ashley got hammered instantly, and BT ended up taking her back home pretty early. Violet spent the entire night attempting to get totally shitfaced, and basically succeeded. However, she was laughing maniacally the entire day, and drinking only enhanced that. It was a little disturbing. She's normally a bit of a depressed/violent drunk. The happy giggly laughing was a major change. Everyone was like "What else are you on?" We ended up going to a local pizza place at about 12:30, and it was rather crowded. We ended up being the main spectacle. We had 10 people at a table, and were being rather loud. It was fun though, and no one with me puked or ended up in tears. That was good (I'm pretty sure Ashley puked, but BT took care of that). I got everyone safely back to campus, despite the freezing cold. It's finally winter! I know because my beard started freezing on the walk back to campus.

I've got some more thoughts, but I'm sick of writing now, and instead will go to sleep. 'Night!



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And again

Well, Sunday morning (and day, really) was interesting. Saturday night was a "white trash hoedown" theme party at one of the frats that a lot of my friends went to. I didn't go, partially because there was a cover charge (and I don't drink), and partially because I really didn't feel like going at all. Sunday, I was woken up by Simmons and Violet, and we went to brunch. While we were there, Violet expressed some concerns about Jeannie, who apparently had been extremely drunk when they left, and they hadn't heard from her since. We started to get really worried about her when we came back from brunch, called her cell (didn't get any response), and she hadn't signed back onto AIM. We then started looking for her, and she showed up to my room between 1 and 2, looking like a total wreck. I got really worried for a sec (fearing rape or something), and then remembered it was a theme party, and she hadn't showered or changed since. She was in a bit of an emotional state, and basically broke down when I hugged her. The story was that she ended being the last one at the frat, except for the brothers, who apparently made fun of her for being drunk (don't blame them, drunk people are funny). However, she managed to get back to campus, but lost her cell phone, ID, wallet, and keys. She ended up spending the night in the lounge on my floor, after knocking on my room door. I sleep through anything, and so that didn't do much. She was still drunk when she came into the room, and was really pissed at the brothers for making fun of her. She was also shaken up about a relationship issue or something, and was generally feeling down about herself (she said she wanted to die - seems to be a theme of my room and drunk girls). We did manage to get all of her stuff back together, thankfully. She was really worried about it for a while though. She basically spent the day in my room wrapped up in a blanket, almost crying the entire time. It was stressful - I really didn't know what to do. I hate situations like that - I feel so inadequate. At least I was able to give her a safe place to stay and provide some help getting her back into her room and such. I really hope she'll be okay. She seems really depressed and down. I know she has (had) issues with this (both currently and in the past - like when my roomie was dating her), and I'm kind of worried about her. I don't know what to do about it though. I guess all I can do is give her the support she needs, and be available for help.

J-Term is certainly an interesting time.




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And it has begun!

So it's been the first week (and half a weekend) of J-Term. It's been going ok, I guess. I don't think that my friend BT has had a single sober night the entire time. That might be a little bad, but he's managing to get the work for class done, and hasn't killed himself yet, so it's all good. Class has been going ok, but not stellar. It's really hard to stay awake - especially since we changed the room to one down in the basement of the science building. The professor is also a bit twitchy, which doesn't help. He's funny though - the first class, he started talking about the different levels of physics and got a bit into quantum mechanics. He took a bundle of pencils and was like "See, if I throw this at the door . . . *smash* . . . well, it breaks - but in a quantum environment, if I did that an infinite number of times, one of those times, it would go through the door." It was hysterical. Hopefully, I'll be able to get a solid B+ in the class, which will boost my GPA.

The other night was an experience. I decided to not go out at all, and do laundry, clean my room, and organize all of my music on my comp instead (and play some video games and such). Most of my friends went over to the suite of our friend (call her Ashley), and proceeded to get shitfaced (I found this out the next morning). At about 11:30 or so, Simmons and another guy come knocking on my door, carry a completely smashed Violet. They brought her in, dropped her on the futon (known as the 'Flip'N'Fuck, due to its nature), and basically high tailed it (there were a few words exchanged, mostly Simmons saying "I'm sorry, thank you so much"). Violet was just repeating "fuck" to herself, and about a minute after Simmons and the other guy left, she burst into tears and had a major breakdown. Basically, she is semi suicidal, is confused why people like her (she kept asking me about why I was being nice to her), is baffled about her relationship with Simmons (apparently they are dating now?), and basically needs to learn how to drink in moderation. It was about an hour or so of her sobbing, and then I got her to start laughing, which was good, and ended up just cuddling with her, until she feel asleep. I felt a little weird though - I mean, she's apparently dating Simmons, who is a good friend, yet he drops her off with me when she gets fucked up, and then she ends up latching onto me, straddles me at one point, and is overall extremely affectionate. I was confused, to say the least. However, when I talked to her this morning, she didn't remember a lot of it, so I'm pretty sure it was just the alcohol acting. This is why I don't want to hook up with drunk girls tho - they do things they wouldn't do sober, which makes me feel that much worse about myself. I really don't want to have them wake up/roll over, and be like "Oh god! We hooked up?!", especially since I'm always sober. Oh well. It's been almost a year since I've had sex, and I think that fact is depressing me a bit. Whatever.

That's it for now - I'm sure there will be more adventures in the future!


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Not sooo much of a bad person . . . quite

Well, I feel a little better about myself. I was talking with Betsy the other night, and she started talking about her new love interest. I was like "So, you are totally in love with this guy (who happens to be 24 [she's 19], live in Florida, and is rich) and yet you still send photos of you topless to me? Now that makes me feel great." She laughed at that, and said it was her choice, and as long as I didn't show her guy interest them, it would all be good. However, I had started writing an erotic story at this point, putting a bit of my imagination down on paper, and so she asked to see some of it. I teased her a bit, and eventually sent her all of what I had written (1 1/2 pages ish), and she really enjoyed it (it did focus a bit on some of her interests). At least now I feel like it's been more of a trading thing, than just me badgering her for pics. Also, I'm going to do my best to refrain from pestering her for more, now that she's looking to get involved with this other guy. Phew. That's mostly dealt with now.

I'm back at school currently. It's good to be back. I really missed all of my friends here. It's going to be weird though, having a single. My roommate is in England, doing a student teaching thing for his major. I'll be surprised if he comes back alive (he doesn't have that much common sense). At least he'll get some good stories.

J-Term started in an interesting fashion - my friend BT comes over to my room, and is like "Shut the door" and immediately pulls out a beer, and starts drinking. My friend Simmons is like "Great idea!", runs to his room, gets his whiskey, and joins BT in the indulgence. This goes on for a while, and then we head over to our friend's suite in another dorm, and the drinking escalates. Simmons starts making out with our friend, Violet (the girl I kind of - not really hooked up with a few months back). BT calls it a night after he falls over a few times, and almost pukes once. He and I are taking the same class for J-Term, which will be amazing. He heads back to his room, after reassuring me that he won't die, and we'll have breakfast, register, and go to class tomorrow. Simmons continues to suck face with Violet, who is kind of sprawled out in his lap, and getting rapidly drunker. I don't realize just how drunk she is, until my roomie's ex girlfriend (the sweet innocent one, Jeannie from here on out, who I'm rather good friends with) and I head out, and Simmons and Violet come with us. Violet can't walk. Well, she can kind of stumble. Barely. Simmons and Jeannie support her, and I wander along with them, making smart ass comments, and occasionally offering to just carry Violet. We get her back to her dorm, and as soon as we turn onto her floor, we see campus security. That was unnerving. Luckily we managed to get her to bed with no problems, and head safely back to our dorm. What a start to J-Term.

I am looking forward to the class with BT - it's general astronomy, which has the potential to be interesting, and with BT in it, it will be amusing no matter what.

So that's the news so far - class starts tomorrow!



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Am I a bad person?

I've been talking a lot with Betsy (the girl who sent me the pictures) recently. I'm so confused by her. Part of it might be that we are conversing over AIM, part of it might be that she is sending mixed messages, I don't know. I really enjoy talking to her, especially when she is horny. The conversations we have are great. It's really easy to talk to her about anything sex related, and she's fun to flirt with. However, ever time I talk to her, I can't resist asking about her sending me more pictures. I feel really bad about this, but she kind of encourages me by saying "Maybe later" or "How about a live show instead?" or numerous other responses along those lines. I can't get a clear response about whether she wants me to drop it or is just teasing me. Ugh. I want to have her as a friend, but I really don't want to get involved in anything resembling a romantic relationship with her. Ideally, I'd like to have her as a friend to talk to about women's perspectives on stuff, and chat about sex with. Unfortunately, she's too easy to flirt with to have it be just that. I really don't know what to do. She's hinted a few times (I think) that she wouldn't mind hooking up with me, but I think that would lead to a strange friendship afterwards. I really don't know. I guess I just have to talk to her in person about it, but I'm kind of nervous about what could happen when we actually do see each other (I have a single for J-Term since my roomie is traveling, so she might try to jump me). Ugh. Why do I have to think about stuff like this? I almost wish I would just flow with it, and deal with the repercussions later. We'll see where things go.


Back to school in three days! Yay!


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Planet Hell. Well, not quite.

My sister is heading out tomorrow and spending a few days with Pan in a huge city in the next state over. Pan is starting a master's program at a college there (I think), and my sister and one of her friends are helping Pan move in. Sometimes I wonder how much Pan actually does for my sister besides demanding her time. Admittedly, all I hear from my sister is "Pan asked me to do this, Pan asked me to do that, oh, she's so great." I wish my sister would think a little bit about what she's actually doing and getting out of it. I mean, if she's actually enjoying slaving away for Pan, then good, go for it. But if she didn't realize just how much she is doing for Pan, then maybe she should reconsider it. She's definitely driving my mom up a wall with it. Now, the heading to the city and not really having a plan. That's smart. She didn't know when she was coming home or how she was getting home. She didn't tell my mom any of this until the last minute. Smooth. Ugh, my sister has no common sense at all.


In other news, both my mom and sister are technological retards. I installed Windows Vista, Business Edition on my mom's computer (as well as put more RAM and a video card in it, as a Christmas present). Getting her up to date on that was a major chore. She didn't know how to download stuff onto the computer!!! I was so baffled by that. My mom has taken multiple computer courses through the school she teaches at. She does pretty well as far as word documents and stuff like that goes. Anything else though - nada. Any new message (error, warning, notification, anything) makes her very worried and she has to ask me about it. I asked her what she did while I was at school, and she said that she basically left the computer alone, and didn't install anything. This confused me so much. Why are people so mistrustful of computers? Just read what the messages say, think about what you want to accomplish, and pick the best answer. I guess I just "get" computers for the most part.

My sister has asked me to make her a bunch of CDs of music she likes, and I graciously agreed. She gave me one list, I got most of the music on it (through Limewire for the most part). I ask her if she has a list of what she wants on each CD, and she gives me a whole new list! I was like, well ok, gonna take a while. You'll have it by the end of J-Term. She agreed to that. Then she was trying to download pictures onto my mom's computer from her camera, and the computer spazzed out. Apparently, Vista wasn't cooperating. I told her to give me the software for her camera, and we could download the rest of the pics onto my comp, and burn them to CDs from that. I did this, and then she had to get the other pics from my mom's comp. She didn't realize that you could use a USB key to do this. She then asked me how she could select all of the pics at once. I was so confused - she hadn't found out how to move her pictures around at all? She's had her camera for over a year now. How did she not find out how to move files into different folders? I had to explain all of the different file selection options to her, and then she had to sort the files on the CD by date, and that took her forever, due to a confusion about the touchpad on my laptop, and basic nervousness about the computer. Ugh. She thought the computer would explode if she didn't take the USB key out right! . . . well, I don't think she was totally serious about that part, but she did say it! So annoying.


Earlier today, I was talking to my sister about her best friend who likes me (call her Betty). Now, I've known Betty since 8th grade or so. Apparently, in 10th grade, when my sister dated my best friend for a brief period, Betty started to like me. I had no clue of this! I only was informed of Betty's interest in me this past semester. Strange. Maybe I'm just dense.


Well, that's the situation of things with me. I can't wait to get back to school.


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And so a new year begins . . .

I hate holidays. Everyone gets so psyched up over them, and it's always a huge let down. Why are we required to have a good time? The stress over having a good time outweighs the possibility of a good time being had. Why? Why can't it just be "Hey, let's eat some food, and hang out with people"? What is wrong with that? Ugh.

My sister really kicked off the holidays this year. Christmas, she at least was here. She hung around, we had family friends over, and she disappeared immediately after dinner, and went to bed. Okay, not so social or festive. New Years, she took off, and helped out her . . . mentor (Pan from now on), for lack of better word, pick up Pan's son in the city nearby (my sister has a huge crush on this kid, who is like 26 or something). That would have been fine, except she didn't call or stay in touch at all. The weather and roads were less then spectacular (freezing rain) and so my mom was a little worried. I called my sister about 1, and this is almost exactly what she said when she answered the phone - "I'm ok, I'm at X hotel with Pan's son, I'm being careful, don't worry." I was like "Hotel room? Well, use your own judgment, and be safe. And if you do drive back, be uber careful on the roads." She did end up driving back, but didn't call home with any details at all today until fairly late. My mom didn't enjoy that, and was a little touchy about the whole thing. When my sister finally got home (not sure when), she and my mom had (and are still having) a huge discussion. At least it hasn't ended with both of them pissed off. So far. Ugh. I wish they would just hash it out, and end up with a solution. I'm sick of them being on the edge of a fight constantly.

I was recommended to a new band the other day (well, new as in new to me). They are called Nightwish, are from Finland, and have a very similar sound to Evanescence. I really enjoy the lead vocalists voice - it sounds so ethereal. Very neat.

Well, that's the news for now. Hope everyone had a wonderful new year and holiday season!

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