Away for the summer

Well, I'm heading out on tour until Aug 28th tomorrow morning. I'm hoping to have internet access during, but am prepared for the worst. Hopefully I'll be updating throughout, but if not - I hope everyone has a wonderful summer and I'll catch up with you all in the fall!

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Sick of life

I'm having a shit time of it right now, or at least that's what it feels like. Trying to get everything wrapped up for the tour, switching rooms at home, and saying goodbye to everyone. I'm snapping over nothing, and it's making me feel like a complete asshole. Hell, I am a complete asshole.

Today, I spent most of my time cleaning out my room, and packing my clothes for the trip. I also got my hair cut, which was kind of a big deal for me. I've been growing my hair out since 5th grade or so, and today got about 14" cut off. It's real different. My sister took pictures of the whole thing, which was nice of her. However, I was telling my friends about it, and they were like "Pictures!!!!", and so I asked her if she was going to download them from her camera. She said not anytime soon. So I asked her if I could, and she got touchy about it and refused. This really pissed me off, for no real good reason. It's her camera, she can do whatever she likes with it. I don't know why I was so pissed about it.

I've realized that I have no creativity or artistic talent. I've been painting a lot recently - the boat has needed a coat of paint, and I'm also painting the boxes I'm going to be using on the boat for my stuff. The paint on the boat is going ok - but that's just refreshing what's already on there. Painting the boxes has been really annoying me. It's not turning out anywhere near what I wanted it to. I haven't been able to get a solidly taped straight line at all, so all the stripes I'm painting have little random bulges in them where the tape wasn't pressed down all the way. I know for a fact that I sealed the entire edge of the tape as much as possible. Also, I had crappy luck trying to sand off some of the other paint on the lid after an experiment, and grabbing the wrong grit sandpaper - so now my box has huge scratches in it. I thought the paint would obscure some of it, but no, that would be nice. It's real obvious. Ugh.

I'm getting too worked up over anything. Fuck all of this. I just want life to be less fretting. So much for that - I'm on tour, on display 24/7 for the entire summer. Fucking wonderful.



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Summer vacation? Nope.

I'm not sure if I've said what I'm doing this summer as a job, or why I'm not going to be around at all. The museum I work for is taking a replica boat on tour, and I got a position as a crewmember. I'm going to be on board from June 18 to Aug 28. No summer vacation. I've been working at the museum for the past few weeks, helping get the boat ready for the journey. It's just starting to kick in that I'm going to be gone all summer. Whoa.

Anyways, I've been thinking a lot of late. Chastity is looking more and more appealing. I've been talking a lot with Bonobo Girl and thinking about things with Betty. While it would be fun to have a one night stand or even a 'friends with benefits' setup with Bonobo Girl, it wouldn't work out well. As for Betty, I just feel more awkward around her than interested in her. I love her as a friend and want to help her out, but I don't know if I would just make things worse. Ugh. I think too much and don't know what I want enough to make a decision about all of it.

I had so many cool plans for this summer - having sex, working on the buggy, driving around, and basically relaxing. None of it's happening. The buggy is languishing in the garage (did get it indoors at least), I'm too confused to have sex, and I'm not going to be around to drive. Bleh. At least I can get away from all of this. I hope.

I'm sick of my life right now.




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Awkwardness and chastity

The other night I went and hung out with Betty for a while. I went with my sister and mother to pick up a computer for my sister (b-day present - she got a MacBook, and it's pretty cool!). I think took my sister and her friend, got Betty, and went to downtown of the city nearby. My sister and her friend took off, and Betty and I got dinner, hung out a bit, and then went back to her place. We chatted with her mom and sister, who then left. We ended up making out a little bit, and laughing hysterically about a comment she made. However, the whole making out piece was really awkward. She's really tense around people, I'm still debating on my feelings on chastity, and it was just kind of odd. I'm starting to think that I may not actually sleep with her - just show her the ropes of physical intimacy, but don't go all the way. Ugh, sex complicates things. We'll see what happens.

I'm starting to get sick of being home. My mom has been ranting a lot to me about just about anything, and it's kind of getting on my nerves. Self image, any gossip she can find, random topics, my sister, my dad - I don't care!! She's really obsessed with physical image for some reason, and constantly brings it up. Not necessarily about me or her, but just pointing someone out and being like "They would look better with x,y,z" I hate that! She really needs someone else to ramble too. I mean, I know she's going to miss me this summer, but oog - she's trying to cram a whole summer of hanging out with me into two weeks, it feels. Oof. I'll be glad to get away from it.


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Wug.

I really need to think up better titles.

Anyways, life has been rather interesting of late. I'm back working at the museum - prepping the boat for the tour this summer that I am lucky enough to be a part of (though it means I won't get anything resembling a summer vacation). My role there is to be the bow thruster with an inflatable for this boat. Since the boat is 88 feet long, draws almost no water, and is 14 feet wide, it doesn't turn very sharp. The museum has an 18' inflatable with a 50hp outboard on it (the whole package is worth almost $15,000 - motor is $9k) to give the boat a well placed nudge when docking and such. I've been put in charge of running that, and keeping the inflatable (referred to as the 'Oocher') in good shape. I'm very nervous about it - having big responsibilities always worries me, since I'm anything but assertive or a leader. It should be an interesting time though.

The other day, I was going through my assorted drama, and realized I have 6 or 7 girls that I am either confused about or have some involvement. Yikes! That's a lot too many. There are two pairs - Jill and Shannon, Panda and Bonobo Girl. Then there is Shannon's roommate, Betty, and one other girl (the treasurer of Fencing Club). Shannon's roommate and the treasurer I'm very baffled about. The treasurer I might just be misreading, Shannon's roommate could be just being friendly or possibly more interested in Jill (I'm not sure if she likes men or women - I've heard lots of different things). Betty is going to be a fling during the summer, I think (long distance isn't going to work out). Jill and Shannon have worked things out, mostly, and I think that Jill and I are finished as a couple, and are back to just friends. However, I'm not totally positive on that. Bonobo Girl has said she will do anything with me that I feel like. That's both very flattering, and kind of unnerving. I don't want to take that kind of power lightly, but it would be so much fun to hook up with her. However, my feelings for Panda come into play. I'm not sure exactly where I stand with that, but I know I do love Panda dearly as a friend. Again, she and I have to talk at the beginning of the semester.

Yes, there is a beginning of the semester for me - my GPA is now a 3.047. Cutting it close, but I'm back. For at least another year. Next semester is going to be tough.

I went and saw Pirates 3 last night with my sister and Betty. That was fun - pretty decent movie overall. A few wonderful lines, as usual. After the movie, we stopped by an all night Price Chopper so my sister could get some candy that she wanted. I was being kind of a dick, and pretend groping Betty, because it made my sister so unnerved. Of course, she thought I actually did grab her and was rather annoyed at me. So, of course, since I was already in trouble for something I didn't do, I grabbed Betty's ass. That went over well. Betty yelped and my sister freaked. Of course, neither of us (Betty and I) wanted my sister truly pissed at us, so we ended up just laughing hysterically, and standing 6 feet apart for the rest of the time we were in the store. It was amusing.

Being home is both good and bad. My mom and sister are often at major odds. I swear my sister is looking for a fight half of the time, and they both bitch at me about the other. I always want to help, but hell, I usually make things worse. I've started just leaving when they start fighting. They got into a huge row at dinner one time over my sister gaging her ears (putting the huge holes through them - she's planning on going to 4, which isn't that huge, but definitely noticeable), and I just got up and left, after I had finished eating. I didn't say anything, didn't storm off, just removed myself from their presence. I was only going to make it worse if I opened my mouth. They both automatically assume that I am on their side, and often I'm not on either, or just don't care. They completely misunderstand each other as the norm, and that's what brings about most of it. I'm sick of dealing with it. Thankfully, I'll be on a boat for the majority of the summer.

Now, I have to start cleaning my room out - my mom is renting out my room, since I'm not going to be around the house much anymore, and so I'm moving my center of living down to what used to be the music room, and is being turned into an office/guest room deal. Fun fun.



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