Phump

Well, the other day I totally fried my brain. Totally. I had to write a 5 page paper (the first paper of the semester, and like only the 10th of my college career) on a German mathematician/metaphysicist named Gottfried Leibniz. He propsed a counter theory to Newton's atomic structure called the Monad Theory. Basically it was that the world is made up of angels (or something without actual substance) and all fate is predetermined. I stopped for the night when I made a connection between the theory and the Matrix series (movies). I finished it in the morning. Barely over four pages. Whatever, my conclusion made up for it. It was a quote from my sister about this guy, after she read some of the sources I was using - "This guy is a genius! He explained philosophy with math and threw in religion where it didn't add up! And it was the 17th century and he didn't get executed for it!" Hopefully the professor has a sense of humor.

I've been talking to my ex girlfriend who is currently teaching English in China. She's coming back in January, and is planning on visiting. That should be interesting. She is a wonderful person, and I love her as a friend, but she really seems to want to continue a close relationship with me, and I'm really not interested in that. Ugh. I hate decisions like that.

Well, it's class time now. Hoo - ray.


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Fuck off and die.

That pretty much sums up my opinion of the world right now. I'm unreasonably depressed, and feel the need to raze a town into the ground, and sow it with salt (ala Carthage and the Romans).

This weekend was fun, yet crappy at the same time. My roomie's girlfriend had a friend visiting for the weekend. She was pretty good looking, and apparently one of her secondary goals of coming to visit was to hook up. Of course, it wasn't to hook up with me. I have no idea why I should expect it to be, but still. I was very disappointed.

The friend of ours that she did end up hooking up with is the one who always gets all the action anyways. I was pissed. He doesn't need any more girls lusting after him - he has to juggle them (figuratively, haha) as it is. Fucker.

I'm not sure why I've been feeling down lately. I mean, there is the not getting laid part, but that's the norm, and it seems like a trivial thing to get upset over for an extended period of time. Maybe it's that I feel that college will be my one opportunity to "broaden my sexual horizons." Or something like that. Maybe I'm just missing intimacy. Who knows. It could be totally unrealted and that's just what I've been using as an excuse. I haven't been playing music at all really (I took my bass out for like 5 min today, first time this semester), and I haven't been really working out at all. Maybe it's just pent up energy coming out as semi rage. Ugh. Fuck this shit. The thing that pisses me off is that I just want to enjoy life, but I don't know how to do that.

Crap.


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"You're such a nice guy"

Every time I hear that directed at me, I laugh. I consider myself to be a prick. Or at the very least, a sarcastic bastard. Yet so many people tell me I'm a nice guy. Why? I was thinking about it the other day and realized that most of what I say is at least slightly nice, while most of what I think is totally asshole-ish. So what is presented to people is nice.

Recently I've been getting flashes of feeling really disconnected from the world. I dunno how to describe it, but it feels like I'm just floating through life. I have no idea why. I've also been feeling really down overall. Maybe it's because I'm not doing much besides schoolwork. No music, no sports. No sex. No nothing. It sucks. I feel fat and lazy, despite the fact I semi regularly do pushups and sit ups until my stomach hurts and I can't really use my arms. I feel guilty about not doing the cross country piece, but it really doesn't make sense. Maybe I'm just justifying in a way that makes me feel like I shouldn't do it. Ugh. I hate myself sometimes.

One thing I would like to point out, in a semi repitious manner, is that every time I have a good idea to write here, I get interupted. Maybe it's because I don't like people watching me write this, maybe it's fate. All I know is that I have a brilliant idea (or even a semi-glowing idea), and am like "I should write that in my blog!" and then I get interupted and forget about it. For example, it has taken me three days to put this post together. Ugh. That annoys me.

And now I've forgotten whatever else I was going to post. Whatever.


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Pretty much, collge rocks

Last night, at around midnight I was watching my roommate play catch in the hallway with his girlfriend, who was bound with duct tape. It was amazing. The night before, the girls across the hall (good friends of mine) were laughing hysterically for about 4 hours straight. It was impressive. Hyper doesn't even come close to describing them.

Last night (before the game of catch), I saw Robing Hood: Men in Tights for the first time. That is a wonderful movie. Mel Brooks is amazing. I need to find a copy of Young Frankenstein on DVD.

I've been reading a book lately called The Game by Neil Strauss. It's about pickup artists, and their lifestyle, written as a narrative. Great read so far. It's been making me think a lot. While I think it would be cool to be able to walk into a room, and get any woman I wanted within half an hour or less, the whole idea is a little morally wrong in my mind. In the book there's a part talking about the main character's interactions with a pickup artist who uses neural linguistic patterns to attract women (basically hypnosis, without the whole going to sleep thing). That seems wrong to me. Attraction should be of one's own "free will", as much as possible. If you can't attract women without something along those lines, maybe you should reexamine yourself. What are you doing wrong? What exactly are you looking for? However, lots of other things in the book make sense, like how to prepare yourself for going out to a club or something. Unfortunatley, lots of it doesn't apply at college. Most is based on the fact that you aren't likely to see the person again. No deal here - I go to a rather small college (1500 - 2000 kids). Oh well. One thing that caught my mind while reading this, was the comment the author made - "My view of women had changed." He says this as he is learning to become a pickup artist. He starts viewing women as targets as opposed to people. He sees the world in a different manner. Very interesting. However, I'm not quite desparate enough to seriously start considering learning to be a pick up artist (getting close - 7 months since anything!).

The topic of me whoring myself out came up again. My roommate and I were having a semi serious discussion about how relationships are fucked up as a regular thing, and how women, by nature are totally insane. Of course, in the nature of conversations, random subject jumps happened, we got talking about money, and how I had none, and he was like "Dude. Seriously. Male escort. Put an add in the paper." I laughed. However, we also came up with the theory that I should accept trades - pints of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked ice cream (best ever) for orgasms. That would be amazing. The problem is, again, advertising. My roomie said that I should put a bulletin or something out on Facebook or Myspace. The problem with that is teachers, administrators, and possible employers check those now. I don't want to be known as a male gigolo to a possible employer (unless I'm applying for that job). I dunno. I think I just want to get laid (and recieving ice cream would be a bonus).


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I <3 drunk people

Well, the drunk sitting has truly started. On Friday night, my roomie and I, and a bunch of our frineds went over to an apartment that on of my friend's girlfriends lives in with on of my roomie's frineds (complicated, isn't it?). Anyways, there were about 12 of us all told (once everyone got there). It was a good night, up until the point my roommate's girlfriend started puking. Then it went downhill. One of the girls who lived in the apartment had to go to her boyfriend (who was sobbing or something), and I took another guy home at that point. I came back, and hung out for a bit, and then took three girls who lived on campus home. That was a great car ride - one of them went on a rant about how she thought that some fat people would never be beautiful. It was totally tasteless and completely hysterical. She never says stuff like that when she's sober. When I got back from that, I hung out for a bit more and then was watching two guys who were passed out on the front lawn (one of whom puked all over his shirt, and then came outside). I took them back to campus next, and then came back and got my roommate, his girlfriend (who was almost comatose), and the only other person who wanted to come back to campus. Through all of this, I was driving my roomie's car, and was doing my best not to flog it.

One thing that was a highlight of the night was when my roommate and I tossed one of the girls who lived there back and forth in the air. She was about 5' tall and fairly light. It was amazing. I know someone got video of it, and I need a copy of it.

So that was the beginning of the true drunk sitting of the semester.

Last night, everyone stayed sober (who I was with), and a bunch of us just watched movies (Grandma's Boy - hysterical, btw, Gumball Rally - wonderful car movie, and Super Troopers - which one of our friends had never seen). That was fun. My roommate and I have been trying to get a day in which to watch all the car movies we have straight. I don't think it's going to happen. Today we watched Bullit, which was slightly dissappointing for me. I was expecting more car stuff, less police. However, the one car chase that was in there was wonderful.

Now, I'm off to put a thorogh testing to the wireless Xbox controllers that my roommate got today :)


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Ho hum

So school has been underway, and rather uneventful so far. I haven't gotten laid yet (still annoyed about that, lol), nothing truly exciting has happened yet, and my classes aren't super duper wonderful.

So, as I said in earlier posts, my room at school is set up pretty much exactly identically to the way it was last year. I think that's a good thing (the setup worked), but it does confuse me from time to time because I think I'm still living in the freshman dorm.

My classes are interesting, but nothing super great yet. I did switch my public speaking class for one in Computer Game Design, but I haven't gone to the game design one yet. I hope that was a good choice. My roomie is taking it, and he says it's fun. I also didn't like the plan of the public speaking class - al of the speeches were to be prewritten and rehearsed hardcore. I hate that kind of public speaking. Well, rather, I hate that amount of work. Also, I'm taking another course that is counting as a writing course, so I'll have my fill of writing there.

I'm still waiting to hear back from the cross country coach. I emailed him the other day about me being on the roster, and he was like "Why are you talking to me now?" That wasn't so good. I told him that the only reason I wanted to be on the XC roster was so that I could practice with the team year round, and I wasn't interested in competing. We'll see what he says about that. Who knows. I'm seriously considering dropping track altogether. I hate the practice setup, and my classes and work are going to conflict with it (workstudy, not actual work, lol). However, I really like the ends of it - ie, the being in shape, and being able to throw far :) I dunno. I guess it's something to consider.

Something else that I'm a little concerned/feeling guilty about is the fencing club. Apparently the "current" president didn't come back to school here. So, we are without a leader. I'm theoretically the secretary, but I really don't know what I'm supposed to be doing (other than like taking notes or something, haha!), and I haven't heard from the VP or Treasurer. I feel bad about it, but I dunno what I should do!

Well, that's about all that's running through my head at the moment, that I remembered. Hahah!




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I found this on the blog of the only person who seems to read this, and it made me laugh :)


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So, how are things?

Well, I'm back at school. Today was the first day of classes. Wow. I managed to stay awake through all of them, but what a chore. I'm thinking of reworking my schedule a bit so I don't have so many early morning classes. We'll see how that goes.

My room is amazing. It's set up pretty much the same as last year, with the exception of the fridge being placed in my closet (which really makes me happy - it's so cool!). My bed, however, is so much better than last year. When I got into it for the first time, I seriously almost moaned. It truly feels like sleeping in a cloud.

I also really enjoy my floor (of the building I'm living on, not of my room). It's a coed floor, and is composed of mostly girls. It's awesome. Also, most of my friends are living right nearby. I really have missed school. However, I haven't really done much since I've been here. Kind of depressing. I mean, I watched my friends get totally trashed (in my room - we found the the fridge could hold almost an entiree 30 rack on one shelf) the night before classes started, and I've said hi to most everyone, but that's about it. I've become addicted to Forza Motorsport (for Xbox) again, and really have nothing exciting going on. Ugh.

So coming back and talking to people in person that I have only been talking to on AIM over the summer was a change. Some of them I like better without the personal interaction. I don't know if it's me changing or them changing or some of both. I dunno. It's been a little strange readjusting to school, but I'm hopeful that it's going to be a good year.


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