Drama drama drama

Well, September has been an interesting month.

Things with Bonobo Girl and Panda have blown up. I'll start from the beginning. I watch a movie with Bonobo Girl, and we end up making out, and fooling around a bit. This is like 3 weeks ago. At this point, I had decided that I was going to go for it with her, because I knew I would regret it if I didn't. She ended up stopping things, and saying that she couldn't do it. At this point, I should have dropped the whole thing, and called it good. Nope, that would have been the smart thing to do. About a week later, or so, she and I go on a walk, talk a lot, and end up having sex on the soccer practice field in the moonlight. That was very fun. However, we both feel a little guilty about it. The next night I go on a walk with Panda, and we have a talk about where we stand in regards to each other, and decide (as far as I can tell) that we are better off as friends. We laughed about it a lot, and decided that we would have lasted about a week before both of us second guessed ourselves far too much and crashed and burned horribly. Throughout this, I've still been hanging out with Jill occasionally, though nothing had developed. On the 28th, I hook up with Bonobo Girl again. The Sunday following that, she and I have a talk, and I told her that I really felt kind of guilty about the whole thing, and needed to figure things out with Jill. She didn't seem to take this super well, but she agreed with it. Things progressed ok for about a week.

This past weekend, it all went to hell. Friday night, I go to Jill's, watch Pitch Black and The Chronicles of Riddick back to back, and spend the night there. Her roommate leaves early in the morning, we have sex. Saturday night, I go over there, watch a movie, and head back to my place, almost walking in on my roommate having sex (they were just coming out of the shower). The room is kind of tossed around, clothes everywhere, and there's a note on my laptop - "Dear Wookie - Stop being a douchebag. Oh, and a liar. Liars aren't fun either." It was signed by Panda and Bonobo Girl, with the first sentence being written by Panda, and the second part by Bonobo Girl. I was very confused. I look at Bonobo Girl's away message Sunday morning, and it said something about boycotting a person. I then tried to talk to her, and she was like "I'm supposed to be ignoring you." and wouldn't talk to me. What the hell did I do?

I sent a message to both her and Panda that I wanted to talk to them, and when they were ready to, to let me know. I talked to a common friend of ours, the Treasurer of Fencing Club, and laid the whole problem out for her. Then at lunch today, I saw them both, and they did completely ignore me. I then got a message from Bonobo Girl, who kind of cleared up the situation - as far as I can understand it, Panda feels like I've abandoned her as a friend, or something along those lines, and Bonobo Girl is standing by her. However, I could be truly mis reading the whole thing. I sent them both messages, apologizing, and just trying to get them to talk to me so I can work things out. I really hate shit like this.

Also this morning, Jill told me she had an anxiety attack. I still don't know where she and I stand, whether it's just close friends, or if it's more than that. Next weekend is October break here, and hopefully a lot of this will be clearer by then.

Oh! My car is fixed as well - my mechanic drove the 4 hours to my school (long story as to why - suffice to say, that kind of thing is why he is our mechanic), and we got it all sorted out so I can drive it back home, so they can run through it quick in the shop. That's one thing that's a stress taken care of.

The rest of it - we'll see. I may end up castrated in a dumpster somewhere.


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I'm ba-ack!

Well, kind of. It's been a long few weeks.

The 5 days I was at home were extremely hectic - trying to build a PC (managed to fuck it up - more on that later), take my sister off to college (that took a whole day), get a car useable for me to take to school, and pack all my shit up. We ended up condemning my car (the drivers side floor was shot), and I took my mom's car to school with me.

Once at school, there was the whole hectic-ness of registration and the first week of classes. To top all this off, my computer wasn't working on the school network. That was fun. I don't really get cell reception on campus either, so I was basically unreachable for the first two weeks of school (by which point my laptop was usable).

The first weekend back, I went to an event where the boat I was on all summer was at - a tugboat roundup. That was really cool. It was about two hours from school, so I left pretty early and spent just about the whole day there. On the way home, my car died. Totally. Luckily, though I was about 30 miles from school, I was right next to a rest area. I pulled in, and started trying to find out what was wrong. Replaced a few fuses, nothing. Opened the hood, and a broken hose on the intake was staring me in the face. I didn't have any tape, so I called my roommate to come with his car (a Subaru Forrester), and some tape. He showed up half an hour later, and we taped that, and tried it again. Nothing. We then jumped it, and it started ok. I then turned it off, and we talked about the route home - when I tried to start it after, nothing doing. We jumped it again, and I left it running and started out of the rest area. I got about 10 feet before it died again. At this point, it's starting to get dark, and is kind of drizzling. Fun.

We decide to tow the car the 30 miles back to school. On the interstate. We end up going about 30mph and traveling on the shoulder. My battery seems to be totally dead - the emergency flashers aren't working so good, and the windshield wipers really aren't working. It's now actually raining. Nice.

We get back to town, and park it off one of the exits that's not complicated to get to the shoulder on (we are off of the highway now). We try jumping the car again, and letting it charge. As soon as we disconnect the jumper cables, the car dies. Now, it is totally dark, and pouring. We go to Wal-Mart, and I spend $60 on a new battery. We put this in, and the car starts right up. We head back to school, and call it a night.

Tuesday after this, I take my desktop pieces (which have the capability to be a fricken sweet computer if they work) to one of the professor's in the department. We spend two hours Tues, and another hour on Thursday, before deciding that the motherboard is shot. This is a brand new piece - never used, never molested. What the hell!! That was depressing. I spent about half of my summer pay on this computer, and now I have to shell out another $200 to maybe get it working. Goddamn.

Then, my workstudy boss has me dealing with these piece of shit PDAs (handheld computers) for the nursing department. Three of the 6 don't work, for various reasons. I'm at work for 4 1/2 hours on a day I'm not supposed to even come in, because these must be done by 8 the next morning. Ugh.

Thankfully, it seems to be setting down in the material stress aspect of things. Drama-wise, though, it seems to be just starting.

Bonobo Girl threw herself at me, on the first day of classes (I stopped by to say hi, and she basically jumped me). That was fun, but . . . I really don't want to get involved with her. As fun as it would be, I have a feeling it would end very badly.

Last night added a whole new dimension for drama. Jill came by with her roommate (Shannon's roommate last year). We hung out for a bit, and then my roommate and a bunch of our friends came back, hammered, and started playing Halo. Jill and her roommate ended up on my bed. They stayed on my bed, and we ended up all trying to sleep in a college twin extra long bed. It was intimate. We really didn't end up sleeping much. Dozing some, cuddling lots, and at about 4:30am, we started getting much more intimate. I kind of got Jill worked up, she started getting me worked up, and then her roommate saw what was going on, and joined in. It was basically lots of groping each other, and making out. Jill and her roommate kissed once, which was cool to me, but ended up being a little awkward. I think that her roommate wouldn't mind them getting together.

I kind of pushed to keep going, and Jill was like "Nope, my pants are staying on, sorry." And so, I took it to be like "Ok, I'm a little uncomfortable, can we stop here?" So, I stopped, and Jill got up and left for a bathroom trip. At this point her roommate gets all sad/depressed and buries her face in her hands and won't talk to me, and then after Jill gets back, her roommate leaves, without saying anything. This worried both of us, and Jill ended up leaving to go after her. She IM'd me a few minutes later saying that her roommate was back in the room and safe. That was good. I talked to Jill today, and apparently everything is ok between them. That makes me feel better about the whole thing. I don't know where things are going to go between the three of us - or any two of us for that matter. At worst, I think it's one of those "One time in college" stories.

This evening, I acted as "bouncer" for a friend's party. I put that in quotes because I think she just wanted to be able to say she had one. I didn't do much. It was a semi formal party (who does that in college?), which was slightly annoying, and it really reminded me why I'm not a fan of parties. I had to escort Panda home - she was truly drunk to the point of losing her verbal filter, and becoming slightly violent without realizing it. Also lots of tears and disappearing randomly. Not fun at all. I should start charging for doing stuff like that.

So that's the summation of my life so far. Woo.




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Well the boat trip is over for me. I got home this afternoon. Overall, I really had a blast. I'm looking forward to the next time I get to crew on the boat. I'm home for all of 4 days, and then am off to school again. I don't know how I'm feeling at the moment (kind of shell shocked, I think), but I'll manage, and hopefully school goes ok. I'll update more at a later date.


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News and photos

Well, the stop on the boat was insane - 3000 people through in 2 days. That is as fast as we can cycle them through. We had to turn people away! It was mind boggling. Many of them said they were going to catch up with us at the next stop (where we are now), so we'll see how that goes. Saturday (the first open day we have at this stop) is shaping up to be crazy - 5 different clubs, a wedding, and a fundraiser. We'll manage, but boy, it's going to be draining.

Here's some photos of the trip so far :)










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Still alive!

And having a blast! The past two weeks have been just taking the boat I'm on to the place where we start the tour. We're now in port, and hosting the public for the first time. Thankfully, I have the day off :) Tomorrow, I get to see exactly what it's like. I'm keeping a journal, and I may post it at the end of the tour. There have been some very fun and exciting things happening. I'll try and post photos the next time I get free wireless :)

Away for the summer

Well, I'm heading out on tour until Aug 28th tomorrow morning. I'm hoping to have internet access during, but am prepared for the worst. Hopefully I'll be updating throughout, but if not - I hope everyone has a wonderful summer and I'll catch up with you all in the fall!

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Sick of life

I'm having a shit time of it right now, or at least that's what it feels like. Trying to get everything wrapped up for the tour, switching rooms at home, and saying goodbye to everyone. I'm snapping over nothing, and it's making me feel like a complete asshole. Hell, I am a complete asshole.

Today, I spent most of my time cleaning out my room, and packing my clothes for the trip. I also got my hair cut, which was kind of a big deal for me. I've been growing my hair out since 5th grade or so, and today got about 14" cut off. It's real different. My sister took pictures of the whole thing, which was nice of her. However, I was telling my friends about it, and they were like "Pictures!!!!", and so I asked her if she was going to download them from her camera. She said not anytime soon. So I asked her if I could, and she got touchy about it and refused. This really pissed me off, for no real good reason. It's her camera, she can do whatever she likes with it. I don't know why I was so pissed about it.

I've realized that I have no creativity or artistic talent. I've been painting a lot recently - the boat has needed a coat of paint, and I'm also painting the boxes I'm going to be using on the boat for my stuff. The paint on the boat is going ok - but that's just refreshing what's already on there. Painting the boxes has been really annoying me. It's not turning out anywhere near what I wanted it to. I haven't been able to get a solidly taped straight line at all, so all the stripes I'm painting have little random bulges in them where the tape wasn't pressed down all the way. I know for a fact that I sealed the entire edge of the tape as much as possible. Also, I had crappy luck trying to sand off some of the other paint on the lid after an experiment, and grabbing the wrong grit sandpaper - so now my box has huge scratches in it. I thought the paint would obscure some of it, but no, that would be nice. It's real obvious. Ugh.

I'm getting too worked up over anything. Fuck all of this. I just want life to be less fretting. So much for that - I'm on tour, on display 24/7 for the entire summer. Fucking wonderful.



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Summer vacation? Nope.

I'm not sure if I've said what I'm doing this summer as a job, or why I'm not going to be around at all. The museum I work for is taking a replica boat on tour, and I got a position as a crewmember. I'm going to be on board from June 18 to Aug 28. No summer vacation. I've been working at the museum for the past few weeks, helping get the boat ready for the journey. It's just starting to kick in that I'm going to be gone all summer. Whoa.

Anyways, I've been thinking a lot of late. Chastity is looking more and more appealing. I've been talking a lot with Bonobo Girl and thinking about things with Betty. While it would be fun to have a one night stand or even a 'friends with benefits' setup with Bonobo Girl, it wouldn't work out well. As for Betty, I just feel more awkward around her than interested in her. I love her as a friend and want to help her out, but I don't know if I would just make things worse. Ugh. I think too much and don't know what I want enough to make a decision about all of it.

I had so many cool plans for this summer - having sex, working on the buggy, driving around, and basically relaxing. None of it's happening. The buggy is languishing in the garage (did get it indoors at least), I'm too confused to have sex, and I'm not going to be around to drive. Bleh. At least I can get away from all of this. I hope.

I'm sick of my life right now.




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Awkwardness and chastity

The other night I went and hung out with Betty for a while. I went with my sister and mother to pick up a computer for my sister (b-day present - she got a MacBook, and it's pretty cool!). I think took my sister and her friend, got Betty, and went to downtown of the city nearby. My sister and her friend took off, and Betty and I got dinner, hung out a bit, and then went back to her place. We chatted with her mom and sister, who then left. We ended up making out a little bit, and laughing hysterically about a comment she made. However, the whole making out piece was really awkward. She's really tense around people, I'm still debating on my feelings on chastity, and it was just kind of odd. I'm starting to think that I may not actually sleep with her - just show her the ropes of physical intimacy, but don't go all the way. Ugh, sex complicates things. We'll see what happens.

I'm starting to get sick of being home. My mom has been ranting a lot to me about just about anything, and it's kind of getting on my nerves. Self image, any gossip she can find, random topics, my sister, my dad - I don't care!! She's really obsessed with physical image for some reason, and constantly brings it up. Not necessarily about me or her, but just pointing someone out and being like "They would look better with x,y,z" I hate that! She really needs someone else to ramble too. I mean, I know she's going to miss me this summer, but oog - she's trying to cram a whole summer of hanging out with me into two weeks, it feels. Oof. I'll be glad to get away from it.


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Wug.

I really need to think up better titles.

Anyways, life has been rather interesting of late. I'm back working at the museum - prepping the boat for the tour this summer that I am lucky enough to be a part of (though it means I won't get anything resembling a summer vacation). My role there is to be the bow thruster with an inflatable for this boat. Since the boat is 88 feet long, draws almost no water, and is 14 feet wide, it doesn't turn very sharp. The museum has an 18' inflatable with a 50hp outboard on it (the whole package is worth almost $15,000 - motor is $9k) to give the boat a well placed nudge when docking and such. I've been put in charge of running that, and keeping the inflatable (referred to as the 'Oocher') in good shape. I'm very nervous about it - having big responsibilities always worries me, since I'm anything but assertive or a leader. It should be an interesting time though.

The other day, I was going through my assorted drama, and realized I have 6 or 7 girls that I am either confused about or have some involvement. Yikes! That's a lot too many. There are two pairs - Jill and Shannon, Panda and Bonobo Girl. Then there is Shannon's roommate, Betty, and one other girl (the treasurer of Fencing Club). Shannon's roommate and the treasurer I'm very baffled about. The treasurer I might just be misreading, Shannon's roommate could be just being friendly or possibly more interested in Jill (I'm not sure if she likes men or women - I've heard lots of different things). Betty is going to be a fling during the summer, I think (long distance isn't going to work out). Jill and Shannon have worked things out, mostly, and I think that Jill and I are finished as a couple, and are back to just friends. However, I'm not totally positive on that. Bonobo Girl has said she will do anything with me that I feel like. That's both very flattering, and kind of unnerving. I don't want to take that kind of power lightly, but it would be so much fun to hook up with her. However, my feelings for Panda come into play. I'm not sure exactly where I stand with that, but I know I do love Panda dearly as a friend. Again, she and I have to talk at the beginning of the semester.

Yes, there is a beginning of the semester for me - my GPA is now a 3.047. Cutting it close, but I'm back. For at least another year. Next semester is going to be tough.

I went and saw Pirates 3 last night with my sister and Betty. That was fun - pretty decent movie overall. A few wonderful lines, as usual. After the movie, we stopped by an all night Price Chopper so my sister could get some candy that she wanted. I was being kind of a dick, and pretend groping Betty, because it made my sister so unnerved. Of course, she thought I actually did grab her and was rather annoyed at me. So, of course, since I was already in trouble for something I didn't do, I grabbed Betty's ass. That went over well. Betty yelped and my sister freaked. Of course, neither of us (Betty and I) wanted my sister truly pissed at us, so we ended up just laughing hysterically, and standing 6 feet apart for the rest of the time we were in the store. It was amusing.

Being home is both good and bad. My mom and sister are often at major odds. I swear my sister is looking for a fight half of the time, and they both bitch at me about the other. I always want to help, but hell, I usually make things worse. I've started just leaving when they start fighting. They got into a huge row at dinner one time over my sister gaging her ears (putting the huge holes through them - she's planning on going to 4, which isn't that huge, but definitely noticeable), and I just got up and left, after I had finished eating. I didn't say anything, didn't storm off, just removed myself from their presence. I was only going to make it worse if I opened my mouth. They both automatically assume that I am on their side, and often I'm not on either, or just don't care. They completely misunderstand each other as the norm, and that's what brings about most of it. I'm sick of dealing with it. Thankfully, I'll be on a boat for the majority of the summer.

Now, I have to start cleaning my room out - my mom is renting out my room, since I'm not going to be around the house much anymore, and so I'm moving my center of living down to what used to be the music room, and is being turned into an office/guest room deal. Fun fun.



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