Well, life rolls along - I've been studying my ass off the past few days, trying to get ready for this Network+ exam. If I pass it, I get an automatic 100 on my networks class final. I have to pass it (that and the fact that the thing costs $200 to take!). I also have to fit in studying for Stats at some point (and prolly Database, but that final is open book, so I'm not tooo worried). End of school sucks.
RawThoughts' and Lindsay's comments on my last blog made me think a lot (thank you for those guys!). I really do have a major negative outlook on life. Unfortunately, I don't know how to change that. Yes, I can look on the brightside, especially when talking to someone else. However, my own interior monologue/train of thought is very negative and extremely critical of myself. For whatever reason, I never do "good" to myself. If I pull something insanely talented off (according to other people), I either don't think it's that talented in the first place, or think that if I hadn't been able to do that, something would have been wrong. Maybe that's my major problem - in my head, 'good/satisfactory' ends up being at the top of the spectrum. If I'm halfway positive that I can't reach that, I don't even try. Failure in front of people is one of my extreme dislikes (to the point of being a fear, I suppose). Therefore, my instant answer is 'No'. Almost without fail. I rarely try new things, I take very few risks, and end up with a kind of boring and self critical life. Crap.
I wrote a letter to a friend of mine the other day. I suppose the term 'friend' isn't the right one to use for him - he's the closest thing I have to a grandfather. He's an ex-Merchant Marine, tuba player, and very talented overall. He's now mid-80's, and age is unfortunately catching up with him. Here's the bulk of the letter:
I was thinking the other day about playing tuba, and realized that I haven’t talked to you in ages! The tuba thing that prompted my musings was a video of a performance that I saw. The guy playing was named Øystein Baadsvik (professional tuba soloist from Norway), and he did some very cool things. The piece was called Fnugg Blue, and involved lots of interesting effects. It was created when Mr Baadsvik was playing around during practice one time, and realized he could make some very fun noises with a tuba (ie the noise your lips make if you just go ‘thhpp’ into the mouthpiece, singing while playing, some crazy double tonguing stuff). He then wrote a piece utilizing all of these things, and it came out very interesting. Have you ever heard Tuvan throat singing? He got that kind of sound for part of it! It’s very ethereal and eery sounding, but truly cool. Not the most pure of tuba playing, but what struck me is how much fun this guy was having while playing this piece – he was dancing around the stage (in front of the orchestra that was supporting him), making faces to emphasize certain parts of the music, and overall obviously having a blast. It made me remember some of the wonderful times in Bristol Band and Midd Winds that we’ve had, nailing a tough lick, pulling off a perfect chord, and feeling it all click. Up until this point, I hadn’t realized just how much I’ve missed playing music. Here at school, the Wind Ensemble is geared for Music and Music Ed majors almost exclusively and my schedule really can’t accommodate it. This summer I’m not going to be able to play with the Bristol Band too much due to work, so I guess I’ll just be singing to myself a lot.
Speaking of, have you heard what I’m doing for work this summer? I got a position on the Lois McClure on tour! We’re going down the Erie Canal, and I get to be a crewmember! It’s going to be a lot of work, but sooo much fun! The downside is that I don’t get to play too much music, and working on the dune buggy will be once in a great while. Reenacting will be taking a major backseat, unfortunately, but I’m still way excited about it! I’m going to get to learn so much!
As far as learning goes, school is stressful at the moment – next week is finals, and this week the professors are trying to cram as much as possible in. You’d think they’d plan a little better. The major thing on my plate is the Network+ certification exam. It’s a test that says I know how to install and administer all sorts of computer networks, and if I pass it, I get a 100 on the final in my Networks class (which will give my GPA a wonderful kick in the pants). I’ve been studying for that the past 3 days, and am starting to get sick of it. I’ll be glad when school is through.
I’ll be thinking of you when I manage to get onto the bandstand this summer – I hope you can come down for a concert or two!!
Writing that made me think a lot, and realize that I do need to start playing music more often. It's been a huge part of my life, and has brought lots of joy with it. Now, it's missing, and that could be a large portion of why I've had such a negative outlook as of late.
~^~
RawThoughts' and Lindsay's comments on my last blog made me think a lot (thank you for those guys!). I really do have a major negative outlook on life. Unfortunately, I don't know how to change that. Yes, I can look on the brightside, especially when talking to someone else. However, my own interior monologue/train of thought is very negative and extremely critical of myself. For whatever reason, I never do "good" to myself. If I pull something insanely talented off (according to other people), I either don't think it's that talented in the first place, or think that if I hadn't been able to do that, something would have been wrong. Maybe that's my major problem - in my head, 'good/satisfactory' ends up being at the top of the spectrum. If I'm halfway positive that I can't reach that, I don't even try. Failure in front of people is one of my extreme dislikes (to the point of being a fear, I suppose). Therefore, my instant answer is 'No'. Almost without fail. I rarely try new things, I take very few risks, and end up with a kind of boring and self critical life. Crap.
I wrote a letter to a friend of mine the other day. I suppose the term 'friend' isn't the right one to use for him - he's the closest thing I have to a grandfather. He's an ex-Merchant Marine, tuba player, and very talented overall. He's now mid-80's, and age is unfortunately catching up with him. Here's the bulk of the letter:
I was thinking the other day about playing tuba, and realized that I haven’t talked to you in ages! The tuba thing that prompted my musings was a video of a performance that I saw. The guy playing was named Øystein Baadsvik (professional tuba soloist from Norway), and he did some very cool things. The piece was called Fnugg Blue, and involved lots of interesting effects. It was created when Mr Baadsvik was playing around during practice one time, and realized he could make some very fun noises with a tuba (ie the noise your lips make if you just go ‘thhpp’ into the mouthpiece, singing while playing, some crazy double tonguing stuff). He then wrote a piece utilizing all of these things, and it came out very interesting. Have you ever heard Tuvan throat singing? He got that kind of sound for part of it! It’s very ethereal and eery sounding, but truly cool. Not the most pure of tuba playing, but what struck me is how much fun this guy was having while playing this piece – he was dancing around the stage (in front of the orchestra that was supporting him), making faces to emphasize certain parts of the music, and overall obviously having a blast. It made me remember some of the wonderful times in Bristol Band and Midd Winds that we’ve had, nailing a tough lick, pulling off a perfect chord, and feeling it all click. Up until this point, I hadn’t realized just how much I’ve missed playing music. Here at school, the Wind Ensemble is geared for Music and Music Ed majors almost exclusively and my schedule really can’t accommodate it. This summer I’m not going to be able to play with the Bristol Band too much due to work, so I guess I’ll just be singing to myself a lot.
Speaking of, have you heard what I’m doing for work this summer? I got a position on the Lois McClure on tour! We’re going down the Erie Canal, and I get to be a crewmember! It’s going to be a lot of work, but sooo much fun! The downside is that I don’t get to play too much music, and working on the dune buggy will be once in a great while. Reenacting will be taking a major backseat, unfortunately, but I’m still way excited about it! I’m going to get to learn so much!
As far as learning goes, school is stressful at the moment – next week is finals, and this week the professors are trying to cram as much as possible in. You’d think they’d plan a little better. The major thing on my plate is the Network+ certification exam. It’s a test that says I know how to install and administer all sorts of computer networks, and if I pass it, I get a 100 on the final in my Networks class (which will give my GPA a wonderful kick in the pants). I’ve been studying for that the past 3 days, and am starting to get sick of it. I’ll be glad when school is through.
I’ll be thinking of you when I manage to get onto the bandstand this summer – I hope you can come down for a concert or two!!
Writing that made me think a lot, and realize that I do need to start playing music more often. It's been a huge part of my life, and has brought lots of joy with it. Now, it's missing, and that could be a large portion of why I've had such a negative outlook as of late.
~^~
posted by The Wookie | 8:10 AM
2 Comments:
Wookie, I don't even know you and I can tell you have a lot to be proud of.
Obviously, you're thoughtful which you seem to look at negatively but believe me it will help you through out life. It may not seem like the best characteristic in a college setting but it will be an asset in life, trust me.
You get good grades, you have a talent, you have friends, you don't mind working, a lot of people have done well with a lot less going for them. I think your future is looking pretty good, in my opinion.
Be happy you're not satisfied with who you are, at least that will motivate you to become a better person but don't be a perfectionist. It's an impossible goal and it takes the fun out of everything. Nobody expects you to be perfect. Just do your best and learn to accept that you have strengths and weaknesses, we all do.
If playing music makes you happy make the time for it. You need the stress relief :)
Your advise is so sound Raw Thoughts. Couldn't have put it better myself - you should be an agony aunt! Lol
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