I've been feeling rather mechanical lately - kind of going through life becuase it's there, not because I'm enjoying it.  I feel like I've been loosing touch with a lot of my friends, making some new ones, but not really having fun with any of it.  Maybe I have too high of an expectation, maybe I don't know how to have fun, maybe I'm just confused as to what fun is.  I'm not really not having fun, I suppose.  I mean, life is pretty decent.  Classes are kind of stressful, but not too bad, considering it's the end of the semester.  Things with Jill are going well, I'm not hated by many people, I've got a job for the summer.  Despite all this, I feel something is lacking.  Maybe it's the lack of music in my life.  I played seriously since fourth grade - All-State, town bands, playing music year round for 8 years straight.  Then, I came to college, and poof!  It all stopped.  I played last summer, and some during vacations, but that's it.  Almost cold turkey.  Perhaps this is what is missing.  I've found myself singing/humming along to almost any song, singing to myself, making all sorts of sound effects whenever I can.

It's times like this that I really start to hate myself.  I have a good life, I have a girl who likes me, I have a good group of friends.  However, I'm still not happy.  What's wrong with me?  I'm sick of life.



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