Happily ever after . . .

. . . but not really. I've been thinking a lot about relationships the past week or so. I don't know why I'm suddenly so hung up on them, but that's all that's been running through my head. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I am interested in a friend of mine, Panda from here on out. I really don't know what to do about it. I mean, I love her as a friend, and don't want to screw that up with her. I also don't know if I actually want a relationship with her. Maybe I'm just feeling down about myself, and want a cuddle buddy or something.

I read the entirety of Tucker Max's book (I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell) a few nights ago, which made me really start thinking. I had the revelation that I could be exactly like him, if I didn't care what people thought of me. The man is a total prick to people when he's drunk, and I don't even need the alcohol to do that. However, I care to much about my image. I try to please people too much. I put myself last. My self image is basically that I don't matter, and I'm here for other people to use what little abilities that I have.

I am my own worst enemy.


~^~