Worthless . . .
. . . is how I've been feeling of late. Being home reminds me of how untalented I am. I don't know if it's my mom ragging on me, or just being around people who are very accomplished, but I end up feeling like I've done nothing with my life. Ugh.
Today, I almost got in three car wrecks, in one trip. One pulling out of the driveway, starting the journey - I hesitated after I looked, and then didn't check again. Later, pulling out of a store parking lot, I checked the wrong way while turning right on red (legal move), and ended up almost running into a person who had the initial right of way. After that, when I was pulling out of a grocery store (this particular grocery store has a horrible exit intersection), I looked, pulled out, and still almost hit someone. My mother was riding with me throughout this entire trip. God, I suck at driving.
I really don't know why I get so down whenever I'm home. Much of it likely has to do with my mom, and her style. She is very energetic, and not at all tactful. I love her dearly, but sometimes I get sooo pissed at her. She is on this huge kick about being fat and it's getting on my nerves. I know I'm fat (or at least substantially un-skinny). I don't need to be reminded every two seconds. She also tells things very straight, which isn't that helpful when I'm not feeling happy to begin with. I dunno. I end up feeling unaccomplished whenever I talk with her. Maybe it's because she has high standards, maybe it's because I have nothing resembling self esteem. I don't know.
I had a very interesting conversation with Betty the other night about what inspired the imagination. She was of the opinion that pain and emotional angst inspired most of it. I questioned that - can't happiness inspire your imagination? This lead to a huge discussion about the human pysche, and what our natural state was - happy or in pain. This reminded me of the results I got on all of those high school surveys about what jobs you should look into. Every single survey I took said I should look into psychology as a field. If I wasn't so unnerved by people as a whole, I think that would be fun. I have to take a psychology class to graduate, so we'll see what happens with it. Maybe I'll like it so much that I change my major. Who knows.
So that's where things stand with me right now. Ugh.
~^~
Today, I almost got in three car wrecks, in one trip. One pulling out of the driveway, starting the journey - I hesitated after I looked, and then didn't check again. Later, pulling out of a store parking lot, I checked the wrong way while turning right on red (legal move), and ended up almost running into a person who had the initial right of way. After that, when I was pulling out of a grocery store (this particular grocery store has a horrible exit intersection), I looked, pulled out, and still almost hit someone. My mother was riding with me throughout this entire trip. God, I suck at driving.
I really don't know why I get so down whenever I'm home. Much of it likely has to do with my mom, and her style. She is very energetic, and not at all tactful. I love her dearly, but sometimes I get sooo pissed at her. She is on this huge kick about being fat and it's getting on my nerves. I know I'm fat (or at least substantially un-skinny). I don't need to be reminded every two seconds. She also tells things very straight, which isn't that helpful when I'm not feeling happy to begin with. I dunno. I end up feeling unaccomplished whenever I talk with her. Maybe it's because she has high standards, maybe it's because I have nothing resembling self esteem. I don't know.
I had a very interesting conversation with Betty the other night about what inspired the imagination. She was of the opinion that pain and emotional angst inspired most of it. I questioned that - can't happiness inspire your imagination? This lead to a huge discussion about the human pysche, and what our natural state was - happy or in pain. This reminded me of the results I got on all of those high school surveys about what jobs you should look into. Every single survey I took said I should look into psychology as a field. If I wasn't so unnerved by people as a whole, I think that would be fun. I have to take a psychology class to graduate, so we'll see what happens with it. Maybe I'll like it so much that I change my major. Who knows.
So that's where things stand with me right now. Ugh.
~^~
posted by The Wookie | 12:09 PM
1 Comments:
Sorry to hear you are feeling down. You prob feel worthless because that is how your mum is making you feel.
I feel really down and worthless being at home too! I think its something that just happens in families when you get to a certain age.
Can you ask your mum to be a bit more tactful? Or maybe express to her how much its getting you down.
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