Interesting . . . very interesting.

I had a thought last night as I was falling asleep. Now I know that's common for most people, but this thought really made some things in my life click. As I was falling asleep, I thought to myself "I really hate having attention drawn to me." This was so true that I almost sat up in my bed (which is fixed now) and yelled for joy. This thought explains my whole attitude in life - I'm always in the background, never really talking to tons of people, not out in the limelight. I'm extremely uneasy whenever I have focused attention on just me- whether its in front of a group of people or just a single person whom I'm having a conversation with. This doesn't really make that much sense for me, because my summer job was as the interpreter at a museum, talking to tons of people a day. However that was different - the focus wasn't on me, it was on what I was presenting. I was just a live recording for it to be expressed to the public. Whenever the subject of a conversation switches around to me, I get uneasy. I start second guessing what I'm say- do I sound like an ass? am I being to blunt? is the person actually interested in what I'm saying? And then I start stuttering and generally sounding retarded. It's no fun.

Oh well. I guess it's something I'l have to learn to live with, or learn how to counteract. It's always good to have goals in life, isn't it?

~^~